It's Like Watching A Muted TV

I need to have the guidance, comfort, and wisdom that our Savior offers us through the Holy Ghost in my life to make sense of what is happening. I've been struggling with clarity this past week. I'm hurting, I'm confused about whether it is me, or him, or us, or addiction, or Satan, or ME, or me, or him. I know that when I am nurturing my relationship with my Heavenly Father on a regular basis with heartfelt prayer and scripture study and gospel study and pondering I don't feel so confused. When I'm nurturing this relationship I can see the truth through the lies. I know if it is me, or him, or something in between. I have confidence in my gut when I'm close to the spirit. Lately I haven't been able to do any of this and today a thought struck me - it is like watching TV on mute.

If the TV is on mute I can get a basic understanding of what is happening. I know Mr. X is talking to Ms. B and they are at work. However, it is just a cursory understanding of the actions that are appearing. I don't understand why any of the actions are happening. I don't understand the meaning behind that look, or those tears, or that laughter. I don't see the plot line unfolding and have an idea of what might happen next. I need to hear what is happening in order for that greater understanding.

I feel like I'm watching TV on mute only the TV is my life and it is on mute because I see the actions happening but I just don't get it. I don't know the truth from the lies. My "gut" has apparently checked out for the holidays. I can't get a sense of what is coming. I don't know what to work on because I don't fully grasp what is wrong. The only thing that can take my life off mute is the Spirit of the Lord. He knows. He doesn't have mute on. He will help me hear and understand if I only do the work to be able to hear His still small voice.