The post where I want him to want to do the dishes... kind of

Have you seen the movie "The Break Up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn? I saw it many years ago and haven't seen it recently but one scene always stuck with me. They are arguing about lots of things, and doing the dishes comes up because Vince Vaughn's character makes a big deal of being reluctant and put-upon when asked to help do the dishes. He says "Why would I want to do the dishes?!" and she responds with "I want you to WANT to do the dishes!"

Isn't this argument so telling about what we really want? We want closeness. We want someone to want us, to care about us, to think about us. To quote Cheap Trick, "I want you want me."

My anniversary is coming up. We made out-of-town day plans but I can't go because of school. I told B last night that I can't leave for the entire day and in our conversation this morning he said he was still planning on being gone all day doing the thing we were going to do together. So, I guess that leaves me alone, all day, on our anniversary. We'll see if his plans change before the actual day. I want him to want to spend our anniversary together. I don't want him to spend it with me because I ask him to stay. I want him to want to stay in order to be with me.

Asking defeats what I want because then he might just stay because I asked him to, not because he wanted to stay himself. However, in an effort to be honest and forthcoming and not manipulative I told him this morning that although the activity he might attend would be great I want to spend time with him on our anniversary. All he said was, "I know." He didn't even look at me. He just kept feeding the baby. He didn't say, "Me too" or "That is what we'll do" or anything that indicated he wanted to spend time with me on our 5 year anniversary. It hurt. It stung. Now what do I do? I want him to want me. He doesn't need to want to spend every hour of every day with me. But I want him to want to spend our anniversary evening together. As of right now he'll be gone all day instead, because that is what he is choosing. I'm feeling hurt today. I'm feeling fearful of a special day being ruined. I'm feeling fearful of bursting into tears in front of strangers, or class-mates, or the bus driver.