My opportunity to surrender shameful feelings

I want to share an opportunity I had to surrender feelings of shame.

I am in graduate school. I recently failed an mid-term. I had tried my darndest, studied for over 20 hours, done everything I knew how. I still failed. It presented me with two options 1) Withdraw or 2)Stay in the class.

I was really struggling with what to do. I wrote a pro and con list for withdrawing.

Pros:
1) I don't risk getting a C or D on my transcript, which would lead to academic probation, and a more stressful next semester
2) More time is freed up to focus on my other classes, family, research, and other obligations
3) Save my GPA, which will lead to improved job opportunities after school

Con:
1) Everyone will know. The friends I've made are all in this class. There are only 7 in the class. It will be ALL TO OBVIOUS that I have withdrawn and why. *Read - "Everyone will know I'm stupid*
2) I'll have to take an extra class in a year

As I looked over my list the answer seemed obvious - Withdraw! It wouldn't hurt my job, my grades, my timeline, my family. It would improve my grades in fact, and my stress level. Why was I still having such a hard time deciding? The first reason is I was taught to NEVER quit. So, being a quitter is REALLY hard to do. I felt like if I withdraw I have failed. I have failed at school, I have failed my family, I have failed myself, I am stupid. I should be able to do this. I must be stupid, and I must not belong in this program if I have to withdraw from a class. SO MUCH SHAME.

After a day I named the shame. I recognized it as shame, which I know is not healthy. I did a stupid thing maybe, but I am not a stupid person. Yes, everyone would know, but if I am focused on my goal of  getting this degree to improve my family's situation in the long run then I need to definitely save my GPA, my sanity, and my energies by withdrawing. Shame, and the fear of everyone knowing my shame, is a very powerful motivator.

Elder Uchtdorf's talk about keeping it simple popped in to my head. I surrendered my shame. I told one good friend of my decision, of my grade on the test, and that I just don't have any more to give to this class and it will require a lot more so I need to withdraw. He was totally supportive. As was B and my family.

There is so much power in making decisions despite fear and shame instead of because of fear and shame. Fear and Shame aren't the boss of me!