Step One - Part 2

This post is part of my step work through the "Healing Through Christ Manual" in which I answer the questions presented at the end of each step to work my way through what was taught. The "Healing Through Christ" manual can be downloaded for free at healingthroughchrist.org.

Choosing to Take Care of Ourselves

1. As a result of the emotional distress of facing the addiction of a loved one, how have I ignored my own needs and neglected to take care of myself?

Physically I ignored my own need for sleep at one point. I tried to stay up, because if I was up then he wouldn't look and pornography and viola the addiction would be gone. HA. I didn't know enough at that point. When I have struggled emotionally with this I have spent days without showering just in pain, doing nothing, not being productive, not getting out, not taking care of myself at all. At times I've eaten my emotions, which is unhealthy. I've called out of work because of the distress of facing the addiction of my loved one. I've gone to work and performed poorly because of the distress of facing the addiction of my loved one. All unhealthy behaviors.

2. How am I taking care of myself mentally?

Right now I am going to school and focusing on that. It is challenging and invigorating and something that has nothing to do with this addiction. It is wonderful to have my mind active and expanding with something other than knowledge about addiction.

3. How am I taking care of my emotional needs?

This one is going pretty well. I've always been able to identify my emotions and what I am really feeling (1 point parents!). Dealing with them has been a journey but currently I am blogging, journaling, participating in a forum filled with compassionate women who are going through the same thing, I'm actively opening up to my husband when I feel it is safe, and just two days ago I confided in a friend for the FIRST TIME about what I am going through. 

4. How am I taking care of myself phsically?

This one could definitely use some improvement. I do get the rest I need. I'm very selfish with my sleep time because I know that I quickly deteriorate without. I drink lots of water. And sometimes I eat healthy. Clearly exercise needs to become more routine.

5. How am I taking care of myself spiritually?

I pray, I study my scriptures, I write about and talk about what I learn. I am actively trying to magnify my calling. I read or listen to devotionals, general conference talks, and other resources on lds.org. I am seeking out ways to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost and it is blessing my life immensely. 

6. How have I neglected loving interactions with my family or been unaware of their physical and emotional needs?

Just last week I was super impatient with my 1 year old all day because of the distress I was feeling about the effects of this addiction. I was also in a grumpy mood around my parents and brother and was more rude and short-tempered than I usually would have been. I completely forgot to get together with my best friend TWICE in one week because I was distracted by my emotional turmoil. TWICE I totally stood her up. Thank goodness she is forgiving.