Hard Work

Recovery is hard work and healing is hard work. Hubs and I are both engaged is a battle of whether or not we are willing to work harder than the adversary to win our souls.

When I was single I had a list, like most people, of things I was looking for in a spouse. I was looking for a family man, smart, funny, spiritual, and especially a hard worker. My parents taught me that marriage is worth it but it is work. I've seen many marriages end and I wanted to do all in my power to set myself up for success. I believed if I married someone who worked hard not only at a career but at their goals, their spirituality, and their family life then he would work hard on our marriage too.

For years I thought I had misjudged and my husband wasn't willing to do the work necessary to recover and to work on our marriage. This year I've changed my mind. There is still SO MUCH MORE to do for him and me and us but he is working on it.

Nearly a year ago, maybe 11 months, we hit rock bottom in our marriage. He was convinced he hated me, that I hated him, and he couldn't be happy with me, that he was worthless, and that there wasn't hope for us. It was a tough thing to hear. I had suggested therapy a month beforehand but he hadn't said anything. Then after he spilled out how much he didn't love me or want to be married to me he said he thought we should go to therapy. I said okay and we had an appointment within a couple weeks.

I think that if I didn't have a hard worker then when the love was gone he would've left. I think if I didn't have a hard worker then he wouldn't have thrown himself into all the recovery steps he'd been working to avoid for so long. I think if I didn't have a hard worker then he wouldn't have and be continuing to take our therapy seriously, be open in therapy, and apply the advice of our therapist. If I didn't have a hard worker he wouldn't be working with his sponsor so closely on how to change his heart, not just his behavior. If I didn't have a hard worker i don't think I'd still be married. Today, even though we have so long to go, I am so grateful that he's willing to keep up the hard work. Satan isn't going to win his battle for my husband or for our marriage. That is what I believe today.