A little background, my entire family (parents and all my siblings) have great bottoms. They are nice and round and perky. I have a pancake butt. All my pants are saggy where my butt is supposed to be. Underwear is baggy too, so uncomfortable. I've always been jealous of my family for this reason. This jealousy only increased when I found out that B is a butt guy. I knew this before I knew about pornography addiction just from those silly conversations you have when you're dating and engaged. I thought, I'm so glad he loves me even though I don't have what he likes! BARF, I know.
Over the years every single time I've found evidence there has been a focus on large butts. This partly why the whole Kim Kardashian nekked pictures were so triggering for me. And anything with J. Lo. And the fact that B has a celebrity crush on Beyonce. Also, my sister in tight pants with B around has also caused panic even though I hate myself for admitting it because she is the sweetest, kindest, most joyful and caring person I know.
Today the spirit whispered a sweet something to me through an impression. Maybe it is a blessing that I am not blessed in that way. I don't have to face the trigger of my OWN bottom and his feelings about it near as much as I would if mine looked like the pictures and videos I've found. Sure, addicts will take what they can get and I know I've been objectified by B but I just also am so happy to also know that I don't have his biggest trigger. It is a weird feeling of having finally noticed a tiny piece of divine protection that I was blessed with.
This might sound crazy but oh well. Today I learned to love my pancake butt!
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