Triggered by seeing what he was triggered by - and then letting go and letting God

Yesterday I was at an event, sans B, where there are LOTS of people and LOTS of young, pretty, not-so-modest women. A few weeks ago B was at a similar event (okay, it's a sporting event). So, B was at a game sans me and came home and we had a good evening. Then the next day things got weird and bad and the next day he acted out and was in FULL ADDICT mode people. Like, full on. No bueno. Upon reflection he said the triggering had started at the game with all these beautiful daughters of God who have simply not been raised to understand the same way I do about modesty.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was at a game sans B (not because of bad blood, just the way our schedules worked out). About half way through my time there I all of the sudden felt the triggery feeling coming, the trauma mode, the confusion/distraction/can't think/can't look at anyone/want to curl of and cry feeling. I was looking at all this SKIN and it was perfect, and it was on thin bodies, and smooth, and tan, and nary a stretch-mark in sight. I'm go grateful I've been working hard to keep the spirit with me and work on some step-work because it only took a few minutes for me to have the following inner-dialogue:

Me: So this is what B was looking at that he liked so much that he couldn't resist looking at some porn just a day later to keep the feeling going?

Me: Well, I guess I can understand how disappointed he was to come home and find ME as his wife (insert self-deprecating critiques that I don't want to repeat)

Me: Wait, okay, wait. These girls have done nothing wrong. It isn't their fault. B is responsible for his own actions. Crap, I'm triggered.

Me: Okay, they are daughters of God, this isn't about them it is about me. It is a lie that I am less than them because I look differently. But I'm feeling like it isn't.

Me: Remembering Step 1 *I am feeling like my emotions are unmanageable* *Let go and Let God*

Me: Heavenly Father, I need you to take this one. I can't deal with these emotions. I can't leave so I'm still going to be surrounded by this but I don't want to feel this way. I'm handing it off to you.

Within 30 minutes the trauma-mode had disappeared and I was back to normal.

It is amazing how simple principles can work wonders in practice. The recovery process isn't about not feeling hard feelings, it is about giving us tools to recognize the good, the bad, and the ugly for what it is and deal appropriately.