When the anger was taken from me while I taught Sunday School

I am a Sunday School teacher for the youth in our ward. There are about a dozen and I enjoy my calling very much.

Last Saturday, after a week of arguing with myself over whether to ask or not, I asked B about pornography. For a week I had thought that he had probably acted out simply because it was "time" in his cycle but since he had been so good for six months at coming to me within 24 hours I kept telling myself I should just trust him. Well, again I learn I should have listened to my gut. B told me he had acted out several times the previous week and had decided not to tell me.

The anger didn't boil up right away. I recently read that we too often listen to respond rather than listen to understand and I didn't want to do that. So I listened to him to understand and didn't react or respond much. By the time I was going to bed that night the anger was overcoming me. How could he LIE to me for a week? And I felt he was still hiding behind vague answers during that conversation. What am I supposed to do? I have boundaries in place, and B slept on the couch that night. What do I do if I don't know when he is looking at pornography? Don't get me wrong, we've been down that road before but I feel that I've come so far in my own recovery and I am no longer willing to accept a life of ignoring the elephant in the room. Since B doesn't want to acknowledge when the elephant walks over to the bed from the corner I'm not sure what boundaries should be in place. It is something I'll have to think and pray about.

Anyway, I woke up Sunday still pretty mad and hurt. We didn't speak much or touch at all. As I was teaching my Sunday School lesson the tears were so close to the surface. The lesson went okay, but was not anything to write home about. At the end I took about five minutes to bear my testimony of the Savior and all the sudden I just felt the spirit envelop me very strongly. As I spoke of Him, the miracle of His birth, His ministry, and His infinite atonement I was touched. And in those five minutes Heavenly Father granted me the blessing of removing the anger from my heart and filling it with peace.

When I saw B to take our son for third hour so B could teach I finally spoke to him. I put my hand on his cheek and just said "I love you" and I knew he could feel that I meant it.

It never fails to amaze me how infinite the atonement of our Savior is. When I turn to Him, He will remove the anger from my heart. He will fill me with peace, and guidance, and love. During sacrament meeting I just kept thinking that I will end up being cheated on (meaning with a real-live woman) and by third hour I just had peace that it will all work out. It might not look like I want it to, but it will all be okay if I keep my relationship with my Savior intact and nurtured.